


A lifetime of Happiness

by Lexilindale35



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8003509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Nesta has morning sickness and Cassian isn't home.</p>
<p>AKA a cute little domestic Nessian fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A lifetime of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Probably my favorite one to write. I absolutely love these characters and cannot stop writing them. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this one. As always I love comments =)

They shouldn't call it morning sickness. They should call it all hours of the day it can hit you like a tonka truck. Because I have never felt so weak, so sick every gods damned moment of my life. Whenever Cassian tried to tell me it would go away I would snarl at him. Because he had the easy job, he just smiled and fooled around.

Now I have to carry this child for nine months. Nine long months I have to share my body to this foreigner and I have to endure horrific pain and illness at it’s hands.

Sure I had been thrilled to learn I was pregnant. Cassian had been so happy he cried. That's the second time I've ever seen him cry in my entire life. The first time was when our mating bond fell into place. It was an amazing feeling, seeing my mate for the first time through brand new eyes. He had that same look in his eyes when I told him about the baby. Cassian cried and held me close, his hand rubbing my still flat stomach.

Now I could barely see my feet and I couldn't stop throwing up every ten minutes. And Cassian, fucking Cassian was off on another assignment to check on those stupid war camps for Rhysand. 

We fought before he left. I begged him not to go this time. I begged Rhys not to send him. I wanted him here with me, especially for the first trimester when things could go wrong. But they both told me this was their job, their duty to their people. It would only be a month and he would be back before we knew it.

Cassian kissed my forehead while I stood there angrily just letting him leave without saying goodbye. It hurt because I wouldn’t kiss him. The bond chafed and throbbed with missing him even more than before.

But then a month passed and he didn't come home. The waiting got worse, the morning sickness got worse. But nothing compared to the ache in my chest, the throbbing of our bond that wished for him to climb into bed and press his cold feet against my shins.

I flushed the toilet and stood up once the wave of nausea passed. I threw cold water on my face and took in a deep breath as I washed my hands. The baby was small, my bump didn't interfere with everyday life the way Feyre's had last year. Still it was there. It reminded me that Cassian wasn't here for the big moments.

Like the first time I felt the baby. The first time they kicked. They had strength, more than their father and me combined. I wanted nothing more than for him to press his hand against my stomach, to feel his child kicking my ribs. I needed him to experience this with me because I wasn't completely prepared on my own.

But he wasn't here. Doing this without him terrified me more than anything else. Because he was the reason I was here, the salvation I found in one of my darkest moments. He was the first face I saw when I climbed out of that cauldron, the only one still fighting for me despite his injuries. No matter how mean I can be, Cassian is always there.

I don’t want to live my immortal life without him.

My ankles were swollen, I could feel the aches as I walked back into my room and changed into one of Cassian's shirts. I pulled my hair up off my neck, the apartment was stuffy today. Then again I got heat flashes all the time these days. I sighed pulling open a drawer right as Feyre opened my door. She smiled, holding little Cala in her arms. My niece was adorable, all dark haired and bright eyed. Even her little wings fluttered when she was happy.

"We came to see if aunt Nesta wanted to come to the city with us today," Cala giggled as I tapped her nose. She looked so much like Rhysand it was unbearable. But she was adorable.

I sighed, "I'd love to. I need out of this house," I grabbed my shoes and a pair of pants, "has Rhys heard anything yet? Feyre please tell me he knows where my mate is."

Feyre looked pained as she shook her head, "I'm sorry Nesta. He's doing everything he can. Azriel sent out a few spies, but they haven't heard from him since he left."

My eyes filled with tears, "I just need him to come home."

"I know," she whispered, "I'm sure he's fine. He'll be home as soon as he can."

I shook my head, "I can't feel him Fey. I can't feel if he's hurt or if he's okay. I can't feel anything but the bond throbbing."

Cala reached for me and I pulled her into my chest as my sister wrapped her arms around me. She knew what it felt like to miss your mate. She knew what it felt like to be away for so long the bond felt like a curse instead of a blessing. I swallowed the pain as I held my niece, wishing for Cassian to walk through that door like I did every single day since he left.

"He's okay," she whispered softly, "you would know if he wasn’t. Rhys says when your mate dies it feels like you do too. Like your soul shatters inside your body."

Sometimes it felt like that. I missed him so much it felt like I was shattering. But I knew he wasn't gone, I knew he was still breathing somewhere. I just needed him to come home to me. To us, me and his baby. The little family he had left behind.

For the first time since I can remember I let myself need him. 

"Okay no more crying," I laughed slightly as Cala giggled, "let's go have fun and aunt Nesta will try and stop thinking of Cassian."

Feyre took her baby back, "we all miss him too Nes. Trust me, the boys are doing everything they can to find him."

I nodded. I knew they missed their brother and if something had happened they would find him. But that didn't make the waiting, the wondering any easier. Sharing pain didn't lessen yours. And being without your mate was the worst pain there was.

\--

Somehow we ended up at the park and I carried Cala because she kept fussing whenever Feyre held her. I sighed, more than happy to spend time with my sister and her daughter. But it seemed as if no matter who I was with, my heart still hurt for Cassian. My mind was always there, always wishing to find him coming around the corner with that cocky grin on his face.

Tears filled my eyes and I felt like a mess, "I hate this. I hate these emotions. I can't get a handle on them, and this baby bat makes it even worse."

Feyre laughed, "baby bat," she smiled at me as Cala giggled in my arms reaching for my hair, "you've got that right. I'm terrified of the day she decides to try her wings."

As if she knew what her mother was saying her wings fluttered. I smiled, wondering if our child would have Cassian's wings or if by some anomaly they would inherit my traits. He would be crushed if he couldn’t teach our little one how to fly.

"She'll be fine. She's got you and Rhys to teach her," I said softy as I kissed her forehead and let her baby scent calm me. 

When Feyre stopped in front of a bench, my ankles were grateful. They were killing me as I sat down, letting Cala toddle around on the sidewalk in front of us. My sister smiled, already knowing I was winded and needed to take a rest. Being pregnant made me tired these days, but I didn’t complain. I was too busy trying to find answers, trying to find my mate to sleep properly.

"So I think you two need to have a boy," Feyre said quietly changing the subject. Her eyes were staring off into the distance, "because Cala needs someone to play with and she's got Rhys’s spirit and Azriel and Cassian as examples. She needs a boy to knock around."

I couldn't help but laugh, my hand rubbing my stomach. It was something I did a lot these days, whenever I missed Cassian, "a boy. I don't know anything about boys. But I helped mom with you and Elain. A girl would be easier, they could be best friends.”

Feyre smiled as she remembered, "which is all the more reason to have a boy. You and Cassian need to start a new family, one without pain and baggage. You two need this."

"If I had a girl I could just steal all Cala's onesies," I said watching her jump in a puddle, "I really don't care if we have a boy or girl. As long as they're happy and healthy. As long as Cassian is there helping me. I shouldn't have gotten so angry with him. I should've been more understanding before he left."

Feyre smiled, "he came to Rhys before he left, asking him to appoint someone else as commander for the duration of your pregnancy after this. He heard you, Nesta. He knows you need him and he's cutting back on his load."

Tears filled my eyes, "he did?"

She nodded and picked up my hand, "he loves you, no amount of fire can tame what he feels for you. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. Hell I've never seen him cry like he did the day you announced you were pregnant. He will do whatever you want. He will do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

I smiled at my sister, "thank you. For being here. I know that I wasn't-" she stopped me from going on.

"We had our reasons for being the way we were after we lost everything. No need for apologies. I forgave you a long time ago Nesta. It's time for you to forgive yourself."

I wrapped my arms around my little sister and hugged her tightly. I felt my heart fill up, as if I finally did truly forgive myself.

"Mama," Cala grabbed Feyre's hand and pulled her away from me. I smiled at the child, wondering how I would feel when I finally heard that word spoken to me. Part of me was terrified to become responsible for a life, one that would be shaped and molded by me and Cassian. There was a small part, one that was more than excited to watch my mate become a father. I wanted to love a child as much as our mother had loved us.

"Yes sweetheart?" She asked as her daughter pulled her towards the swings. I stood up and followed, feeling lighter than I had when I woke up. I still missed my mate, and I wasn't sure I would ever stop until he was home, but it wasn't as heavy as before.

Cala climbed up into the seat and Feyre began to push her. Another little kick hit my stomach and I smiled, wishing once more that I could celebrate every kick with Cassian. I pressed my hand against my stomach and wondered if my baby knew what I was feeling. 

“Soon,” I whispered. We would be together again soon.

As we stood there I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I took a breath in through my nose, his scent hitting me all at once. Just when I thought I was going to be sick, the bond throbbed and the pain disappeared as I felt him. As I felt Cassian come back to me.

"He's home," I grabbed Feyre's hand, "Cassian is home."

She looked at me with wide eyes, "how do you-?"

I shook my head, "I just know. I have to go," I turned and left her there watching her daughter giggle on the swings as I walked as quickly as I could back towards the apartment. My heart wasn't heavy, the bond was alive again.

Cassian was home. And I was going to give him hell for every second he made me worry, every second he made me miss him.

When I got home I didn't even stop to close the door behind me. I walked up the steps, the bond surging me forward. I knew he was in our room, I could smell his scent, it cleared my lungs and the pain in my heart.

I stopped when I saw him. His back was towards the door, his wings tucked into him. He was drying his hair with a towel, as if he had just gotten out of the shower. My heart stopped, his upper body was bare. God I had missed him, it flooded through me harder and faster than when he was gone. 

"Cassian," his name fell off my lips and I stood there still unsure if this was a real moment, if he was actually standing there. 

He turned around slowly, his bare chest still glistening with water. He was here and in one piece. He was smiling, his eyes traveling down my body and back up again. My throat was dry, our bond felt brand new. 

"Long time no see love," his voice was soft, but it hit me right where it mattered. He looked unharmed, he looked like he was still complete and uninjured. All the anger left me as I walked into the room, tears threatening to spill as he reached for me. The moment his arms were around me I felt the world align back into place.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck, "where were you?"

He sighed, "not where I should've been," he whispered as he inhaled my scent, our scent. I clung to him, more than afraid he would disappear if I let him go. 

My heart settled as he put me back together, "I missed you. I missed you so much," I whispered into his skin, "don't ever do that again."

He laughed, it hit my cheek as he pressed a kiss against the top of my head, "I promise I won't. I'm here, love. I'm here."

Cassian pulled back and wiped away my tears. His eyes traveled down to my stomach and they grew wide. He looked shocked to see my bump, afraid that it was real. I laughed slightly before he pressed his big hand against my stomach. The heat from his hand was but a spark compared to the love I felt flood through the bond and into me as he touched our unborn child.

"A baby," he whispered shaking his head, "wow."

"Our baby," I whispered just as the little bat kicked hard enough that we could see the imprint of his foot against my skin. Cassian's eyes got bigger as we both felt their feet kicking against my ribs. His hand was flat as he pressed harder, their little feet hitting his hand. It was as if they knew their dad was finally home and they were just as happy as I was.

I couldn't stop smiling as he pulled me closer. I could feel his amazement, his soul consuming love as he looked into my eyes, "they've missed their daddy."

His eyes snapped up to me, "I'm going to be a dad."

He seemed so unsure, so amazed at this development. I would've made a snide comment, the Nesta I once was would've told him that's what usually happened when a baby was born. But he looked so thrilled, so lost in a moment even I couldn't quiet understand that I stayed quiet. I just smiled as tears filled his eyes and his breath came out in a whoosh. I felt it all through our bond, his amazement, his wonder at how he would hold something so fragile in his blood stained hands.

"You're going to be an amazing father," I whispered trying to stop his fears and doubts, "because you're already an amazing husband."

Tears slid down his cheeks as he pulled us into his chest. I pulled back, forcing his eyes to look into mine. Then I smiled as I pressed my mouth against his, kissing him and promising to love him for the rest of our lives. I gave him the forgiveness he was looking for as we stood there. The courage to believe in a dream he never thought would be fulfilled.

"Our little baby bat," I whispered as I pulled away. He laughed as he ran his thumb across my lips, "they've missed you. Almost as much as I did."

Cassian shook his head before pulling himself together. After a few seconds he wrapped his arm around my waist and then knocked my legs out from under me. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, laying me down gently.

"Not nearly as much as I missed you," he whispered back, his lips pressing kisses against my neck, moving down my chest and landing on my stomach, "both of you."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "no more month long trips to war camps," I whispered softly as he drew circles on my skin and made me shiver as the exhaustion swept through me. 

Cassian nodded, "I'm not going anywhere again. Not for the next four months. You're stuck with me love."

I sighed happily, tired and pregnant, but happy with my mate home safe and sound. I would demand answers later. For now we had a lot of catching up to do. We had a lot of celebrating to do.

Cassian ran the tips of his fingers over the swell of my stomach and started telling our baby a story. I was half listening, falling asleep to the lull of his voice. But before I drifted off I realized he was telling our baby the story of us. The story we never thought would see a happy ending such as this.

\--

When it was finally time, I went into labor early in the morning. It was long and painful but Cassian never let go of my hand. He tried as hard as he could to take the pain away and soothe me through the bond, pushing my hair out of my face when it covered my eyes.

"Five more minutes," he whispered when I couldn't find the strength to push anymore, "and we will have our little baby bat. And a lifetime of happiness."

I pushed, squeezing his hand and cursing him and his wingspan as he laughed. Feyre hadn't prepared me for this. She didn’t tell me how hard and painful labor was. I cursed her too. 

But then, after one last push and Cassian squeezing my hand telling me how good I was doing, our bundle of joy arrived. He was screaming and reaching for his daddy the moment he came into this world. He had a head full of black hair that matched his father’s along with his dark brown eyes.

Cassian made a joke about how his lungs must have taken after me. He cried loudly as the healers cleaned him, then wrapped him into a blanket before setting him in Cassia’s big strong arms. I melted at the sight, seeing my mate holding our child. A tear slipped down my cheek, my heart filled up completely. There was no more broken Nesta, there was no more pain inside my soul.

Our baby bat was perfect. I couldn't stop staring at him even after we took him home, and neither could Cassian.

I woke up and Cassian's side of the bed was empty. His scent lingered on the pillow but his warmth was all gone. I didn't hear the baby crying. The apartment was quiet, but I knew where my mate was. The same place I found him every night I woke up without his arms around me. I smiled as I grabbed my robe and pulled it on.

I walked quietly out of our room and towards the nursery. The rocking chair was swaying and Cassian's deep voice was telling him yet another story. I shook my head as I nudged the door open with my foot. I couldn't tear my eyes off of my mate as he stared down at our son. He had so much love in his eyes, it shot down our bond and I couldn't believe they were both mine.

"You and me buddy, we got lucky," he whispered softly, "we got your mommy and she's the best mommy there is. Even if she still has hard edges. She loves you even more with them."

Tears filled my eyes as he held him against his chest. I crossed my arms over my chest, "you should have woke me up. I think it's my turn to handle him in the middle of the night."

Cassian jumped slightly as the baby cooed in his lap. He smiled, "I've got him. I don't mind getting up when he cries," his smile was a sight for sore eyes. It was a smile I was more than sure he had never shared in the last five hundred years. 

I walked forward and sat down on the arm of the rocking chair, "he looks just like you," I whispered as Cassian wrapped an arm around my waist. I leaned my head on his shoulder, "and he knows he's safe here with you. Just like me."

It was quiet in the house as the night settled around us. The world became background noise as I nestled into Cassian's arms and looked down at our beautiful baby. His little wings fluttered, used to being trapped and yet wanting to uncurl from his tiny body. Still he looked so peaceful sound asleep. He knew he was safe in his fathers arms. 

Cassian smiled as I kissed his cheek and he held us both even closer. I closed my eyes listening to him humming softly. This was everything I never thought was possible. Everything I never thought I would want. My little family. A mate who understand every scar, every crack in my armor. We might not be perfect, we might not be completely healed.

But together we were trying. And together we had made the most beautiful miracle I never would’ve dreamt of holding in my arms. He was my heart and Cassian was my soul. Together they were the pieces that somehow stitched me back together again.


End file.
